Adventures Abroad: Twins Questions Answered

There seems to be a natural curiosity about life with twins. The boys and I got loads of extra attention and smiles at the hospital, and people - even random strangers - frequently stop us when we are out and about to look at the boys and ask how things are going. So here are some of the common questions I get:

1) Did you want twins?
In my early thirties I would often say that I wanted three children. Ryan has two brothers, and it seemed like such a nice dynamic to have two siblings to play with. After six years of fertility issues, I was happy to get just one child and even happier when we were able to conceive again. Also, it was nice to be pregnant only twice and have three lives to show for it. So yes, I am so happy to have three children.

Did I want twins? Let me tell you something: No sane person wants twins. When things are good we have twice the joy in our lives. Aw, how sweet, you think. But when things are difficult, it's about ten times the pain in the butt. I felt like a horrible mother thinking this, but then I read this from Dr. Weissbluth, author of sleep bible "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and felt legitimised:

Let's face it: Having a baby is a blessing and a bother. With two or three babies at the same time, the blessings are two- or threefold, but the bother is about ten or twenty times as great! (p. 400)

But really it's already gotten so much easier, and I hear from other parents of twins that once they hit about 6 months old things get even easier. Our three children are awesome and we feel so lucky to have them.

2) Are you getting any sleep?
I got back from the hospital on a Thursday and by Saturday I was in tears all day from utter exhaustion (and a good dose of post-partum hormones). Producing enough milk for both boys, feeding them, and keeping myself fed feels like a full-time job. For the first two weeks we had to wake the boys every three hours to make sure they got back to their birth weights. Sometimes their feedings took a whole hour, so by the time we finished feeding them and putting them back to bed, we only got about an hour and a half of sleep in between feedings.

Luckily we had a lot of support during those first two months in the form of friends, our helper Mheng, and rotating sets of grandparents, but we were still so tired. I wouldn't wish that kind of exhaustion on anyone. Except Donald Trump. Because I hate that guy.

The boys are in a nice routine now, and they only wake up once per night so we consider ourselves pretty fortunate. Everyone is getting more sleep!

Even Grandpa Joe got a nice nap in!

Both boys napping simultaneously. Bliss!

3) Are they alike?
Tyler and Owen are as fraternal as fraternal gets. One has grey eyes, the other blue. One has dark hair, the other reddish brown. There was a 900 gram difference between them when they were born. I know, I don't know what that means either. Google says it's 1.9 pounds. Here's a summary of the boys:

4) How does Madeline like being a big sister?

It was expectedly difficult for Mads to adjust to being one of three instead of the sole center of our attention. She felt a little like this:

But she has quickly adjusted to the boys and is very helpful. She hands us bottles, chooses outfits for the boys, winds up their mobile, and alerts us when "the dragons" are crying.

It only took us 11 weeks to capture a picture of all 3 kids!

5) Do you have any help?

Yes! We have a full-time helper, Mheng. Her name is also "Lifesaver" and "Marriage Saver." Taking care of three kids is constant work even with help, so I have no shame in asking for extra help or accepting it when people offer.

Sometimes friends will say, "Let me know if you need anything." And I ask them, "What are you doing at 2am tonight?" They laugh as if I'm joking. I'm not.

Here are more pictures of people holding our kids: